To Love And To Be Loved

A sneek peak into Gaara's head at a moment of peace :)

~Paula

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Sometimes when we are at your house at night, after one other night spent sleeplessly and inside a bubble of sweet lust, after a morning of lazyness and an afternoon filled with walks and glutton meals, I like sitting on your couch in an overwhelming harmony and have you this close, while the movie you chose to rent this time runs its plot by the old television.

If already naturally horror movies have no effect on me, then inside the shelter of amber, sun, blue and whiskers that surrounds me even less. You're the one to worry me, the spirits that torment the young lady trapped inside the television seem to be hurting you too, proof of that is the tremor I feel all around me, coming from you and your irrational fear. In lack of better remedy, I smile discrete and somewhat perversely. If I will take anything good from this, it'll be the fact that this night will be spent sleeplessly as well: after all I will have a small fox to calm down and please. I want to protect you from all that upsets you, even if what upsets you are fictional ghouls.

However, before these previsions become reality, right after the end of the movie, there is something you do to me that no longer surprises me but that will always melt my heart to caramel. Slow but progressively, the weight of your body is no longer all around me to be set right on top of me, and in the same needy way your arms pull me to you, your head finds rest over the stoic beating of my heart and your lips murmur these simple words: "Ghosts are coming to take me. Cuddle with me, protect me..."

And suddenly all of me reacts with an emotion I cannot define, all of me lives to satisfy that simple wish.

But, really, the explanation of this phenomenon is actually quite simple...

One thing is for me to want to protect you and care for you, one completely different thing is for you to want me to protect you and care for you. I've always known that I wanted to be loved, I've always thought the biggest prize from what we have would be that same love I'd get from you. But I was wrong...

It is a great prize, do not get me wrong, but there is another just as great as that one...

It's to know that you long for every touch of my fingers over the wheat fields of your hair, that you tremble with every kiss I lay upon the smirk of your lips, that you fantasize over each felt word with which I invade your senses.

It's to know that you will miss me even before the moment I cross that door to leave, to know that you trust me to return and resume the honorable task of always keeping you happy and satisfied, to know that I can always touch you, talk to you, love you, because you will always be hoping for more from me...

More than knowing that I am loved, it is to know that my love is what you want the most, it is to know that all that I am is worth so much to the person who saved my life in so many ways... (including the literal one)

Am I sadistic for thinking like this, for being so happy over the power I have on you? All my life I dreamt of something like this, so I apologize if I am, because I do not regret it, nor is your trust misplaced...

I protect you from the ghosts of this cruel world, because that mission was only on me placed and because I would not want anyone else to have it but me...

You know how I feel, as I squeeze you in my arms, I can tell, by the peace in your face, the bliss in your lips.

And I know how you feel, now it is so clear to me...

We will be like this forever, I am sure of that...

The unhappiness in our lives is over, the crisis after crisis.

I love and am loved, fuck all rest.